Written By: Devika L. Carr, Esq.
When we take ownership of our decisions, neither good, bad or indifferent, we consciously elect to take ownership of who we chose to be in each moment. We can then decide to remain the same and be the person who makes choices in similarity to the last, or we can reset, transform and choose something different. It is only up to us what movement we make next, what reason we decide supports it, and what meaning it offers for who we intend to be in the next moment.
God gave us this free will and this incredible power of choice.
Retaining this power and strengthening the authority we have over our lives, is an affectionate way of demonstrating we understand we are allowed to use it.
So, what happens when the natural development of one’s brain automatically limits their ability to understand the power of choice and the impact of decision-making before an act has been committed?
This is a common opportunity for my gifted child diagnosed with asd. But it is more common for people to observe, immediately judge, and portray some outwardly obvious expression of disapproval.
But it’s ok. Here’s why:
1. I’m learning how not to give a f***. Who are you and why are you coming for my child? The average adult doesn’t understand the impact of their decisions until after the fact. But hey, no judgment there. Let’s just pass along judgment to the “little loves” who are still learning, still growing, and still manifesting playtime, naptime, and snack-time as their three most important goals. What I do accept is the need for him to learn before he becomes the adult who doesn’t understand.
2. I get it. Human nature tends to prompt our immediate response to be misunderstanding for what we think goes against societal norms that we have learned over time. For some of us, that amount of time extends decades. It is reasonable to expect additional effort to transcend beyond societal norms.
3. He is no different from my other children. And no, they are not diagnosed asd. Although, as a side-note, I think we are all traveling on the spectrum. The point is, I accept a responsibility to teach and encourage all my children how to consider potential consequences for intended decisions before becoming actions. I don’t discriminate.
4. When my son acts in a way that negatively impacts others, he immediately apologizes and recognizes the negative impact made. He is emotionally connected and I allow him to be. I encourage him to feel the pain of impacting others, the pride in being genuinely apologetic, and the joy in feeling the love and hugs that always follow. He is naturally empathetic and for that, I am grateful.
5. Hypocrisy is a slithering snake. If I want my son, my other children, or even myself, to be successful, it is a necessity to create the kind of awareness that allows us to recognize the power of our choices, the potential for impact, and the correlation all of it has with who we want to be for ourselves, in consideration for the world around us, but never who we want to be for other people. If you aren’t in line with this trajectory of conscious thinking and intentional living, that’s ok, it just means you have a decision to make.
My son is powerful, strong, emotionally connected, encouraged, and genuinely apologetic when necessary. He feels joy with love and hugs and he is naturally empathetic. He is always being misunderstood, but he is always learning, growing, and trying to transcend beyond societal norms. And he is always saying, “see ME not asd.”
If different and “not normal” are all of these things, then I’d say different is wonderful. And absolutely, brilliant.